Great Weekend, Greater God.

Everything is going GREAT! We went to GLA after church to visit the adoptive parents of Jonas, the blind child I worked with while I was there. I saw some of my kids- and it was the perfect day! They are such a cool family:

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We ended going to a (ridiculously crazy nice) hotel and hung out with them and had dinner. I couldn't have enjoyed Sunday more... Rebekah and I:

School was AMAZING today, we were all energetic and happy and worked hard and I couldn't have asked for a better day. Oh, and Nickenson was there too :) Not for the best reasons though :( His fever has come back, and a swollen lymphoid under his armpit has at least doubled in size since He came.

He was gaining weight but now is not eating well again- I got his to eat a whole yogurt today!!!!!! It took since 9:00 this morning, it is now 10:00pm. 13 hours... haha. Some people will see this as patience; I am telling you its me being stubborn. This kid will gain weight and he will live! (of course this is all God-willing, but I obviously want him to.) I will continue to take him during the school day, I like to keep a fan on him and a damp towel to try to keep his temp down, and he sleeps most of the time since he's so sick. When he wakes up he cries and then sees me and smiles :) ahh, he melts my heart. I'll keep everyone posted on him... thanks for the continued prayers!!

Why am I always surprised by the perfection of God and His ways, when everything He does is perfect? You'd think I'd learn, or get used to it or something... nope. Once again, in awe of His Perfection:

So Sunday we drove into Port for church, and I can't tell you how amazing the service was for me. The speaker was so honest and spoke about his struggles with humility. His first thing that really struck me was when he said that we don't grow a relationship with God. You either are in a relationship with God or you aren't. I realized: there's nothing in between. Now, within that I assume one can either have a good or bad relationship. There are places we can grow within our relationships but if we've initiated it, its there. So the feelings of closeness to God will come and go but thats not what it's about; thats just icing on the cake. And then he went on to talk about obedience. And how thats all God wants from us. If we obey Him- do His will and give what He asks of us, then He will continue to bless us.

What I have though about since Sunday is how the blessings we receive from God are EXTRA. He does not owe them to us. If we feel great about what we are doing after then it is a gift from God. He had blessed me SOO much with this. Too much- to the point where I started to doubt my obedience and question His will for me. This is me being foolish. I'm glad I'm foolish because it adds to why I need God :) Why He made me to be a part of this mission in Haiti I will never know. Why He blessed me with the passion for it, I will never know. Why He puts all these doubts in my head? Because it has made me realize the blessings He continues to pour on me. Which brings me to another point the speaker touched on. You might be familiar with the worship song "Let it Rain..."

the chorus is simple:

Let it rain, let it rain.

Open the floodgates of Heaven

let it rain.

Christians (including myself) ask for God to pour His love, His will, His blessings, Himself onto us, to break us, but how many of us pull an umbrella out when it starts to pour?

I did... He blessed me so much, gave me the life I've ached for since I came back from Haiti the first time(plus some), he brought me back homei and what do I do? Doubt him- pull up the umbrella because it started to pour. The joy in my life, the pain in my life, the brokenness I asked for, the kids I love; they all were given to me after I prayed for them. Then when He blessed me with it all I started to doubt. Maybe these things aren't from God? It's too good... I love my life so much. How can I be so happy doing these things that are supposedly God's will when so many people struggle with doing God's will? I imagine God was laughing at me. He has given me everything; and just as easily He can take it away.... but none of that matters. I just need to OBEY him; there's nothing else to it! If God has chosen to bless me with happiness right now, who am I to doubt that happiness!! And if He choses to take that away, I still know where God wants me right now. I know He made me for this lifestyle- everything about me is perfect for these kids. My stubbornness, my determination, the fact that I don't really care about a lot of things other people do, the fact that my heart breaks just enough for these kids that I work for them but also the fact that the sometimes hopeless situations seem not to depress me. All me strengths and weaknesses make me perfect for my current life.

I can't describe Haiti like I want to- and I want everyone to understand it; and thats been a problem in my life. But I can tell stories, and share what I feel (which is often hard for me). But God has called me to this and I must obey. Because thats the only thing that will make me real. Without obedience, there is no relationship- Christians have one job: to obey God's will. Through that we will be loved by God, we will grow, we'll hurt, rejoice, be broken, be repaired only to fall even harder and be broken again, help others, hurt others, laugh, sin, live.