I don't really like blogging when I'm not in Haiti, mostly because I don't feel like I have anything worth sharing. I don't have kids in my life who need their stories told. When I'm not in Haiti I feel like I'm wasting away- like every day I'm here I take away from what God could be doing through me there. I have accepted that God can work through me here also, but actually embracing that is harder than just acknowledging it. I feel like people here just don't get me anymore. I'm not normal, I don't want to fit in, whatever that means anyways. My perspective on what my professors lecture on is SO far from what the students around me discuss that I don't even see a point in trying to give my view. Church isn't the same since Haiti. I just can't seem to relate to the "problems" that are preached about in churches here. I haven't connected with a college group, I haven't even tried. A couple of my friends listen and care about the person I really am (and I love them dearly)- but just meeting people is different now than before Haiti came into my life. People are either weirded out by my experiences or think it's such an "amazing" deed I have done. Neither of those are easy to deal with for me. The hardest being when people tell me what a great thing I've done in serving "those people." I have accepted that coming to the states after living in Haiti will never be easy; the fact that I accepted that might have actually made it easier than last time I returned. My expectations are low. School is interesting, kind of. I'd rather be in Haiti. My friends are more amazing than I could ask for. I still miss Haiti. Sometimes I wish God had waited to send me to Haiti until I could move there, but then I would be a completely different person.
I had a plan to be positive this year. I have done OK, this week has been a low point. I miss Haiti and need direction in school to feel like it's actually taking me somewhere. Would you mind praying for that for me? That God shows me his plan as far as school, and that I find a college group. I would appreciate it SO much.
I am hoping and planning to go back to Haiti during winter break for a visit. I CAN'T wait. I can't wait to see Darlens. I can't wait to hug Carmelo, Henley and Trey and hear their new school experiences. It's what I have to look forward to, so I can be thankful for that. Thanks for your prayers. They mean more to me than you know.